[Correction] for Takeo-kei

My first correction for Improvement-Club


Original art by:

Original artwork:
:thumb191689143:

I hope this is helpful


Edit; 
I've turned comments off due to the many angry people fussing about style or not. After all, I've posted this mainly for the artist... and merely with the good intention that it might be helpful for others as well.
Style is a matter or preference. When I draw, I do it automatically in my style. This doesn't mean I'm saying the original artist style is bad or whatsoever. It just means we're 2 different people. Whatever you like more depends on your personal preferences.

Know this was by no means an attempt to bash the artist or anything. This correction was requested by the artist, after all.
If you think you can do a better job at this than me, then instead of bashing me, do the community a service and help other people out. Improvement-Club is always looking for people. Don't be an ass. Help people out instead.