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The funny thing about people knowing you, is that many people want to be your friend.

"Will you be my friend?" is one those questions I get the most.
It's also one the questions I have to answer with a negative answer the most, because I don't like lying to people.

Like I've told in some of my earlier journals, my life didn't overflow with friendship nor popularity when I was younger. It was quite the contrary. I wasn't anything near popular, to the point that most people didn't even want to have anything to do with me. As the kid that got bullied, the few that dared to get close to me, more or less put their social status in the group at stake by even talking to me. And as a result, I guess I valued their friendship a lot. After all; I knew what they risked.

Coming from that sort of situation, friendship has always been a very important but at the same time mysterious matter to me. Something not be taking too lightly. Being a friend to someone meant that you had a close connection to that person. That you knew someone. And you where there for that person, even when that person wasn't feeling too well or when he called you up in the middle of the night when something went wrong.
Getting older I pretty soon found out that wasn't everybody's definition of friendship.

During my days in high school, I always hoped that there would be a day in life that I would do better. That I would be more popular, and that there would be people that actually wanted to be my friend -- genuinely, without having to hide it from others. As soon as I became a pretty devoted webdesigner and webdeveloper in university, and more and more people found out about my talent, I indeed got more friends. A lot of them. But ironically, they weren't anything near what I hoped for. Most of them weren't interested in me as a person, but rather in what was in this 'relationship' for them. And pretty soon I found out what it was all about. After a few friendly smalltalks, the truth soon was revealed.
"My computer broke down, can you help me?"
"Oh, my webhosting crashed on this new plugin. Could you..?"
"I have this problem with this javascript? I'm sure this is fairly easy to fix for you."

Like any stupid fool that hardly knew friendship, I spend a few evenings fixing computers, webhosting problems, and scripts. For free, of course. Because they were friends... weren't they? Only to find out that I wasn't actually invited for that awesome birthday party they threw in a week later. And I wasn't invited for that barbecue either. Nor were they there for me, when I found out I was sick and I could've really used some friends to cheer me up. As any sane person would expect, when I stopped fixing their stuff for free, I'd never hear from any of them again. And you know... I wasn't even mad about it at that point. I only felt disappointed.

A harsh lesson, but certainly one that taught me to never use the word "friendship" too lightly (and not to fix things for free for everybody -- that too)

I'm very social to some extend. Don't get me wrong on that one. I love talking. I love discussions. I have lots and lots of acquaintances, but I've only got a few friends. And those are the people that could wake me up in the middle in the night, and I would probably still get out of bed (and that's really something, considering I'm usually really really grumpy in the morning).

When a random person or artist on DeviantArt, or where ever asks me if I could be their friend, I often say "no". Not because I dislike them. But because they live at the other side of the world, I will most likely never see them face to face, and I know basically nothing of them other than their nickname and the art they have in their gallery (if they uploaded anything). How can you be a honest friend to a person you don't know? I know I couldn't. And I don't want to create the false expectation I can, only to disappoint one later on.
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Kiliann Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2015  Student Writer
It's very inspiring to see someone with both art skills and a career in web design--those are two ambitions of mine.

I'm working on simple JS programming and have the basics and some more complex knowledge of HTML/CSS down; not very complicated stuff, but it's definitely something I've found I like to do. I also enjoy casual doodling, and it makes me happy to find someone interested in (and mostly successful at) some of my own desires.

I feel the same way--friendships are supposed to be meaningful and deep, not shallow and simply for favors; whether online or in real life. I really appreciate your insight into these issues--it's not often one finds an artist who tells others what it's like to have many watchers and page views. Thank you for being an inspiration (and good luck getting through all your messages after your well-deserved Deviousness award!)
OneSerendipity Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
When we see the word "friendship", we have lots of meanings in our minds. However, most of the time it's not what I'm thinking. I can feel what you felt when you were in university, as I have been in that situation (and I'm still). Some people ask you if you want to be their friend and in fact, they just want to take advantage of your skills, your talent, your intelligence, generally you. The result? If they want to hang out, have a party or just a friend meeting, they won't invite or call you. That's not friendship. Friends are those that care about you, stand by you, whatever the situation is, cheer you up in the bad moments. Generally, they treat you as if your parents would (provided they were nice parents). And as you do, I love talking, I love discussions, but even at school, the only times they needed me were when a computer had problems. Even now, when I'm sick, they don't even bother to say "Hope you get well soon!" and such.
NessielaKee Featured By Owner May 17, 2015
The term "friend" is used very very very loosely on the internet. 
acoresjo88 Featured By Owner Edited Sep 30, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
So true, could be my words as well. I´m still at college, but can´t really find the connection to all the other party people who think they´ve got hundred of friends. This really isn´t my world. I´d prefer hanging out with some people I really know instead of visiting parties all the time and getting to know new people I might not see again. But, big problem: I´m not very good at keeping older connections as well. Friends and cliques are not really one of my strengths and will probably never be. I´m member in some sport clubs and found some people for common interests, but I wouldn´t call them close friends. Only had a few of them when I was younger, but there´s no contact anymore.
baka-espada Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2014  Student General Artist
mmmm... makes sense.
shyanndestiny Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for sharing this. <3
Whetsit-Tuya Featured By Owner Edited Sep 16, 2014  Student Filmographer
deviantART is my friend, I personally greet every new account that gets made (don't ask me how I find them) and even though I don't know anyone here I give 32 million people rare advice on how to draw every week in journals but I don't do it for free, actually I do, that's odd.
To-Ka-Ro Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2014  Professional General Artist
Maann, this hit home for me.The older I get, the more a realize how rare real friends are.

I have a hard time saying "no" to people when they ask to be my friend, but I do realize I only have so much time to invest deeply into someone. Most of the time, I say "yes", but they really only message me once or twice.

I also have a hard time with people saying they are "friends" with me online, or people talking about their online "friends" . I try to act cordial towards everyone, and give everyone a chance, but you're right- it's hard to say your "friends" with someone you've never met face-to-face. Also, it's so so easy to put up a front online, people can make themselves into whoever they want, really. 
DRACOICE Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm rereading this ever since I faved it... 
"Like any stupid fool that hardly knew friendship, I spend a few evenings fixing computers, webhosting problems, and scripts. For free, of course. Because they were friends... weren't they?" 
I hope I don't get that.. except I draw art...
scarah245 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2014  Student General Artist
I have a lot of friends too., but some are too young and are off to college nowadays.
Wyvernis Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I can relate to this to a degree, so don't think you're the only one that's like this k?
rodnoc88 Featured By Owner Edited Sep 10, 2014
wow seems to be written by my self... I absolutely agree Damai :)
kingmaxy Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2014  Student Writer
I need more friends, my life is morbid and depressing
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Go make art.
It fixes a lot :D
Comic-Ray Featured By Owner Edited Sep 8, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
There's an artist on dA I admire since I joined dA five years ago. I continued giving her critique, both positive and constructive, and over time, I started to get some critique back. I recently helped her out with an expensive commission when she got unemployed for a short time and tried to build her up when she got eaten alive by her life. Meanwhile, she's the closest thing to a friend I got on dA (leaving out the deviants I know personally), while still not being a "real" friend, mainly because I haven't met her in person yet.

But it's the same on deviantART like in the real world: You don't make friends by askinf for it, You make friends by earning other people's trust and by being there for them when they need it.
KittyTheNekoAlien Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Sadly, it seems that often some people only want to be fair weather friends. They are willing to take all the advantages of having that friend, but don't want to be there for them in return. Hell, like I feel bad just asking for favors, I can't see how people can just use someone and then not do anything in return for it. Especially when people online just ask, it feels more like they only really wanna do it to become popular by association :/
HystericalMellotron Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
And that's why I'm a lone wolf and only talk with a few people on the internet...and my parents...and my older sister, when she's not pissing the crap out of me o_o
BlackShadowClaws Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
A lot of my friends I never meet in reality, only on Skype due to the shitty place I live. I do have very few that I hold dear and they have always been there for me. I guess it depends on how you meet them as well as asking their "friends" about them.
SafeSolemn442 Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014
sorry you had 2 find out the hard way that people's interpretation of friend varies,
if someone schooled you on fake friends or users you would of been ahead,
LadyElasa Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I completely agree. Though I have got one friend I met over the internet. We've known each other about a year now and we've webcammed and chatted a lot and become good friends. Friends are very important to me. I rather have few real friends than many fake friends.
laraalicia07 Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
so true.
EeveeDream Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*Peaks in from lurking to show how much this relates to me*

Just gonna leave it at that because I'm socially internet awkward...but this hits so lose to home for me...
ink-avenue Featured By Owner Edited Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Exactly. I couldn't agree more. Friendship is a lot more deeper than most people think nowadays. A friend is different from acquaintance. You're lucky you found true friends. :)
supersonkuXDZ2 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow, I never  thought about it like that. You really opened my eyes to the word "Friends". I'll be sure to use that word wisely.
designsbykathyh Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You have a lot of wisdom with what you said. I have felt that way for awhile now, and often wonder how much social actions happen in social media.
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Social media is mostly just a facade. 
They call it 'friend' by the lack of a better word, but it doesn't carry the same meaning.
designsbykathyh Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
SO true, I think too many get confused though.
rojoa Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014
I agree with the essence of your point. There are better words, though 'online acquaintance' doesn't roll off the tongue. It's another example of deflation of otherwise valuable words like 'hero', 'star', 'supermodel' or 'like' (Facebook I'm looking at you).
micadori Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You know, about this, I always wished to have many viewers and people who appreciate what I draw/paint but I never imagined they would actually want me to be their friend, that is a totally different matter. You appreciate art, that's fine with me, give me some advice, a little something there, but nothing more. Let's say I am a long way from becoming any popular xD
A thing I do with every person I meet: give them a little bit of trust at the beginning. Use it wrong, and you are out forever Heart 
Hmm, right now I am confronting the question: what is a friend for me? But I can only associate it with faces, not with a concept, or some characteristics. Faces of people who were there that didn't use my trust in wrong ways.

Just felt like sharing my bla bla with you :3 have a pretty day!
chasber Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Good Journal relates well with me DamaMikaz, Just like on Facebook im glad they put an acquaintance selection they say the max people can handle is 300 or so im like how could they handle that? Im just trying to figure out that Lama thing here!. Thanks
Quilflame Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Student Writer
I know the same feeling. I just recently found a few people who are true friends though. Something I learned, True friends would give anything to help one another. Although I could be wrong, everyone reads situations a different way. 
Renai-koneko-chan Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014
I don't have any friends. I was also bullied as a kid, so I just retreated into my room and despite the fact that my parents moved every few months the situation never changed. The few people who I've became acquainted with all tried to use me or tried to tell me who I should be and what do with my life, not caring that I might have some goals of my own. When it became clear that I had a mind of my own and that I couldn't be used some just disappeared, but a few tried to ruin my life completely. There have been three people that I have ever gotten close to, and all of those relationships ended terribly. One tried to rape me. The second was my best friend who I helped get the guy she liked. Her then boyfriend decided he was jealous of our friendship and ruined it by telling her lies and she believed them. (Although, apparently he did this to all of her friends she was close to. She was very gullible.) The third was very aggressive and violent and blamed me for everything that went wrong. 

I'm done with people. If all I am to people is an object or a scapegoat I am way better off by myself despite the loneliness.
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh, you will find good people eventually.
It just takes some time :)
Byrappa Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Student General Artist
Been there..... On second thought, I am still there... It is shame that people do this, earlier I used to help, because they are 'Friends' after all, then when I realised how shitty they were, I just broke off with most of them. One of them even had the audacity to say that I was burning off a bridge, when he was the one who back-stabbed me. It was kind of funny, in a BS way.

Now, I just help someone if I can, many of them still free, because they can't afford, some people I charge a discounted fee, and the rest I ask for full fees.

People can be so helpful, or shitty.

Thank you for sharing this journal entry.
BlackVinyl Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Student Digital Artist
I understand this. A lack of friends and people having a lack of interest in you transcends everything. Anyone from anywhere can understand this and relate to it. I definitely can. In college people don't usually want anything to do with you unless you have something they can exploit or benefit from. I've never been able to attract good, genuine, honest people as friends or even boyfriends for that matter. People have always been this mystery to me up until now. I definitely don't have everything figured out about people, but there a lot of people who want to control and manipulate others for their own pleasure and profit and that's what really turns me off about humanity in general. If I can find someone who understands this and we have a mutual connection I wouldn't be happy, relieved, or satisfied, I would feel like I'm finally relate-able and that I am not alone.
kierwiny Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh I also hoped that you don't mind me sharing this journal entry in my Facebook. I really loved this one, and I wanted to share it with my friends :D
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I don't mind people sharing it at all.
It's made for sharing :)
kierwiny Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
That's why I don't get allot of friends, the most common kind of people are like that and I can read them like a Book. play them like a violin. they're so predictable and so Pathetic, I only have very very few selected friends. The others are just acquaintances. Someone to ask when you and your friend doesn't know. other than that. I don't bother them so much, and they don't bother me too. I have no issues about being alone even when I was young. in my Elementary days I only 3 friends. Ones that I really trust. the others are just there that I know them. that's enough for me. I know their name and I observe how they behave and act. allot of people calling me weird, introvert or a Loner. I don't mind them. 

Those Kind of people are the reasons I become a Shut-In, I can spend a whole year without stepping outside my house. but necessity demands.
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
A whole year?
How do you get food? 0__o
kierwiny Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I get food every 6:45, everyone is still asleep. ^_^
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
And shops are open at that time? 0__o
kierwiny Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Nah, just Some Stocks that My Parents have in the Fridge or Cabinets. Commonly are Fruits, Bananas, Apple and such. I only really go out when it's really really needed. But, I go all around the house but just not outside. I hate people. and awful itchy bumps when Heat and sunlight. 
kierwiny Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
And that is I just stock allot of food enough for the day then Do it again tomorrow 6:45.
trying59 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
that's  sums it up  Very will written.    I ve got 2 people that are friends the rest are just acquaintances as you said.  At least when you are stand up comic Acquaintances do not complain when they end up on stage as material l.     Thats always goes over well on dating sites to.  Not looking for soul mates just  a relationship for material .  Read some of you blog posting and they are well done .  Very thoughtful and Thanks for the fav.      I really also hope     concussion treatment work out because I was left with post   concussion sydrum myself  due to industrial accident year ago .   One reason for the bad writing.    At least  Now when people  Go what the hell wrong with you .  Are you a brain damage  son of motherless goat  , I can say  Yep ! LOL.      I hope you get better and it works out.     Dave  canada        
meggyville2009 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Hobbyist
Wow! Kinda reminds me of my school days aka purgatory. I was the one that everyone went to if they needed to beat on something, my clothes were always dirty from the constant shoves into the grass or the pavement, and never was there a posetive word said about me. I was "the retarded freak" of my school, and it took moving across the state to lose that nickname. But even then, I was "the oddball" that no one wanted to be near save for two wonderful girls who took the time to befriend me when one of them had moved from across the US. But it wasn't until late high school I made actual companions that would stand there in front of everyone and take my licks with me or fight back against the scum that hurt me. I found that being an "outcast" among fellow "Msifits" to be the best thing ever. Sure, they smoked and had piercings and wore goth clothes, but I made friends that made me feel like I mattered. It always makes me feel better knowing where I came from and what I found later.
Kath602 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014
Oh wow this surprisingly hit close to home for me and I can completely relate to everything except for the last paragraph. For knowing people online I think an outright 'be my friend', is an obvious no, but perhaps with enough time, talking, chatting, etc, you can learn the person and them. In a sense you can learn someone personality before their looks/attitude which can create more friends than harm.
BluishShimmer Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
One of the things that weirded me out about one (online) place I joined is that everyone seemed to 'friend (status)' all the newcomers so easily or each other for that matter. XD It seemed like everyone got friended at the start the start of the relationship when they first met and that was that. Later I ended up realizing I'd gotten close to a bunch of people and never friended them and then friended them with a bunch of joking around about the fact that we'd never done it before. XD

This may seem entirely unrelated since it's 'friending online' but for me it was the people who I got to know over a long period of time regardless of what our status bar says that were important rather then the people who were on my 'friends list' since it seems I have heaps of 'friends' everywhere I go but none of them I really talk to. Facebook for me is a big one you friend someone so you can keep in contact and they're still there a few years later and you never talk to them but you're to polite to delete them. (people have hundreds of facebook 'friends' how many of them do they actually talk to I wonder?)

Anyway, for me the word 'friends' particularly online (although it's similar offline) seems to be such a casual word. Although for me I tend to act strange about it, sometimes it's a casual word, other times it's full of meaning. Funnily enough it's actually the people that I'm close to I hesitate to straight out call 'friends' because it's become such a deep meaningful thing that's practically unspoken yet at the same time holds so much weight you're almost fearful you won't be able to live up to such a strong word.

Still the quality rather than the quantity is always what I've thought is important in regards to friends. Better to have one or two true friends than a million 'friends' who don't care for you at all. :) 
Kites1224 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
its okay. we understand.
( still love ya!) 
ModernAnimator Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
TrueStory +fav 
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