Over the years, I've had many moments like that. Most of them triggered by another failed drawing, a total lack of inspiration (while I needed to get creative work done --nothing more annoying than that!), or another harsh critique that was just a bit too much to handle, at that particular moment.
I've had many times that I doubted myself. There have been times when I questioned my creativity in general. Times when I was sad about just another harsh critique, or depressed for being turned down by another group or publisher. Times when I got angry and shouted that I wanted to quit art altogether.
But eventually, I never quit.
The point is... no matter how angry or sad I am, it always takes me a while to calm down and ask myself: "What is art to me?"
According to the dictionary, art is the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.
Sounds all pretty boring and static, doesn't it. But I guess that's what dictionary's are for.
To me, art is more. So much more...
Art is the one thing that I did as a kid, and never stopped doing, no matter how old I got. It connects my past self to my current self, and connects with people with similar interests. I've made more friends with doing art alone, than I ever did outside. And although my vision changed over the years, because of the experiences I've been through, the satisfying feeling that I had when completing just another artwork or fictional story, never changed. Art is the one thing that helped me expressing my true emotions, even when I couldn't find the words to describe my situation... or when it was just too painful to talk about. The process of making art never ceased to calm my mind, even though I had a million things to worry about. Art was the one thing that kept me going, even in times when I felt severely depressed and I couldn't see a single light in my life. The worlds and characters I created, gave me interesting subjects to think about, and helped me escaping the parts of reality I wasn't able to handle at that time. Creating fictional characters and putting them through challenges helped me finding my way and my strengths.
When thinking about that, the question isn't about how much happier I would be, not putting myself through the struggle of making art.
It's about what I would lose, if I quit!
Life isn't always easy.
Some people submit themselves to alcohol and drugs in order to deal with the difficult things in life.
I have art. And I consider myself lucky to have such a creative mind.
So instead of getting depressed over another failed drawing, or a harsh critique, think about what art has brought you.
The battle is part of the process. We, artists, art delicate creatures. We create. We pour our soul into our artworks; into our worlds, and our characters. And we leave it there -out in the open- for the entire world to judge.
In one sense, that makes us vulnerable. But at the same time... doesn't that make us very brave?