ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Nope, this isn't the kind of motivational stuff you'll usually read from me.
I couldn't find the power to motivate myself today. Nor yesterday, or the day before.
The truth is; I'm doing badly. Very badly.
As some of you know I've already been having serious health problems for a while.
It all started in the first week of January, with a car crash. Another car hit mine from behind on the highway. My car was totally damaged and I was taken to the hospital for a checkup because my neck felt a bit weird. Initially everything was fine, I thought. The test proved no bones where broken. The insurance company paid up for my car (luckily -- it was very expensive). And I was allowed to go home. I did feel sick for the first few days after the accident, but I thought of it as stress, took a few aspirins, and went back to work the next Monday after that.
The first days at work were horrible. My head hurts, I felt dizzy and had a hard time focusing on my work. But again; I thought it was just stress and went on. When I kept being tired (sleeping for 12+ hours a day) and the strange feeling in my head stayed, I went to the doctor again. He told me such a thing was pretty much normal after a car accident and it would go away by itself in 3 months.
So I waited for about 3 months... and that was basically when the migraine attacks kicked in.
The first attack was 3 days. They would come at intervals. So I would have a few good weeks before another attack. But the attacks would keep getting longer and the intervals shorter. So eventually I had attacks that lasted 2 weeks and then had 2 weeks to recover again before the next sequence.
I went to the doctor again. Told the whole story. Told him to do something, and got redirected to the rehabilitation at the hospital.
I had an appointment with the doctor there, that could basically explain most of my symptoms, including the migraines. As it seems now, I had a serious concussion after the accident, and it wasn't such a smart idea to go back immediately and work 8 hours straight. The doctors at the hospital apparently knew so. So why they send me back home without telling me that..? I haven't got the faintest clue.
The end of story was that there was a rehabilitation treatment, and that it would help. I was already glad there was such a thing, since I'd already tried a lot of other stuff. It would even be covered by my insurance (thank god, I pay so much already!!!). But the problem was; it takes a while because there's a waiting line. And that's basically what I'm currently doing. Waiting. My whole life feels like it's put on hold.
I've been on that queue since last April, and I'm still waiting for a treatment.
After one of the later migraine attacks, I stopped working full time. My body was so tired that I couldn't handle 40 hours a week anymore. I'm now at 15, when not having migraine. I tried several medication to suppress the migraine attacks. So many that I already forgot the names (who thinks up those horrible names anyway). The first 2 didn't affect me at all. The 3rd made me rush to emergency post since my blood pressure dropped to far due to side effects. And the one I'm currently taking has serious side effects but at least seems to chop 3 to 4 days of from my 2-week attack sequence... so I'm keeping with that one.
It's been half a year since the accident now. And to be honest; I'm getting desperate.
I can't understand how one can live in a welfare country, be good law-abiding citizen, have a decent health insurance... and still there's nobody that even remotely tries to help or speed things up. I've called the hospital again this morning. It took me 2 attempts and 45 minutes of pure bureaucracy to find out that they still don't know how long it's gonna take, and I wonder if they could even remotely care. Because it's summer and people have holidays and whatnot -- seriously... f*ck them! I'm pretty much done with trying to understand their situation all the time when they don't even try to understand mine.
I've asked my health insurance to check out other hospitals. Turns out all hospitals in my environments have such waiting lines for those treatments. Asked health and safety officer from my work (I assume they want me up and running a.s.a.p.) but he didn't have any options either. I've already taken many routes, but there isn't a single one that leads to faster treatment (probably unless you throw a million or two at them).
As for art; I feel pretty much uninspired lately.
I don't know if it's the attacks, the medication, or the fatigue that comes with them... but I don't feel like creating that much. I usually enjoy to do digital art, but I can't lately even bother to get up and look at the screen because it feels like it's burning my eyes. My mind is a like a sieve lately. I'm forgetting everything. And that doesn't make it that fun to learn new things and to experiment -- I already have a hard time remembering what I ate yesterday. The art events I usually go to are pretty much out of the question. I'm too tired to travel. It's even worse than I thought, considering the last convention took me out for 3 days, and I didn't quite expect that. So for those that wonder if I'll be at any upcoming conventions; no, I won't.
It's hard to see people surpass you on every front... and I sure see all kinds of people surpassing me lately. People that get really good at art, get features, DD's, fame --you name it. And while I realize they got there fair and square with hard work and determination, it's pretty much frustrating for me. Because I feel like I've been working my ass off lately, but I'm barely able to keep myself standing as bad luck pretty much slaps me in the face all the time.
People tell me to keep positive.
Well, believe me. Even the most optimistic person is gonna have a hard time staying positive when it's life is just reduced to sequences of crippling headaches, and senseless waiting of the bureaucracy of the medical world. Or at least; I have. I'm done with it.
I realize it's kinda ironic that the writer of the usually motivating journals can't motivate herself. But so be it.
And if you want to draw a wise lesson from this anyway; don't try this at home.
I couldn't find the power to motivate myself today. Nor yesterday, or the day before.
The truth is; I'm doing badly. Very badly.
As some of you know I've already been having serious health problems for a while.
It all started in the first week of January, with a car crash. Another car hit mine from behind on the highway. My car was totally damaged and I was taken to the hospital for a checkup because my neck felt a bit weird. Initially everything was fine, I thought. The test proved no bones where broken. The insurance company paid up for my car (luckily -- it was very expensive). And I was allowed to go home. I did feel sick for the first few days after the accident, but I thought of it as stress, took a few aspirins, and went back to work the next Monday after that.
The first days at work were horrible. My head hurts, I felt dizzy and had a hard time focusing on my work. But again; I thought it was just stress and went on. When I kept being tired (sleeping for 12+ hours a day) and the strange feeling in my head stayed, I went to the doctor again. He told me such a thing was pretty much normal after a car accident and it would go away by itself in 3 months.
So I waited for about 3 months... and that was basically when the migraine attacks kicked in.
The first attack was 3 days. They would come at intervals. So I would have a few good weeks before another attack. But the attacks would keep getting longer and the intervals shorter. So eventually I had attacks that lasted 2 weeks and then had 2 weeks to recover again before the next sequence.
I went to the doctor again. Told the whole story. Told him to do something, and got redirected to the rehabilitation at the hospital.
I had an appointment with the doctor there, that could basically explain most of my symptoms, including the migraines. As it seems now, I had a serious concussion after the accident, and it wasn't such a smart idea to go back immediately and work 8 hours straight. The doctors at the hospital apparently knew so. So why they send me back home without telling me that..? I haven't got the faintest clue.
The end of story was that there was a rehabilitation treatment, and that it would help. I was already glad there was such a thing, since I'd already tried a lot of other stuff. It would even be covered by my insurance (thank god, I pay so much already!!!). But the problem was; it takes a while because there's a waiting line. And that's basically what I'm currently doing. Waiting. My whole life feels like it's put on hold.
I've been on that queue since last April, and I'm still waiting for a treatment.
After one of the later migraine attacks, I stopped working full time. My body was so tired that I couldn't handle 40 hours a week anymore. I'm now at 15, when not having migraine. I tried several medication to suppress the migraine attacks. So many that I already forgot the names (who thinks up those horrible names anyway). The first 2 didn't affect me at all. The 3rd made me rush to emergency post since my blood pressure dropped to far due to side effects. And the one I'm currently taking has serious side effects but at least seems to chop 3 to 4 days of from my 2-week attack sequence... so I'm keeping with that one.
It's been half a year since the accident now. And to be honest; I'm getting desperate.
I can't understand how one can live in a welfare country, be good law-abiding citizen, have a decent health insurance... and still there's nobody that even remotely tries to help or speed things up. I've called the hospital again this morning. It took me 2 attempts and 45 minutes of pure bureaucracy to find out that they still don't know how long it's gonna take, and I wonder if they could even remotely care. Because it's summer and people have holidays and whatnot -- seriously... f*ck them! I'm pretty much done with trying to understand their situation all the time when they don't even try to understand mine.
I've asked my health insurance to check out other hospitals. Turns out all hospitals in my environments have such waiting lines for those treatments. Asked health and safety officer from my work (I assume they want me up and running a.s.a.p.) but he didn't have any options either. I've already taken many routes, but there isn't a single one that leads to faster treatment (probably unless you throw a million or two at them).
As for art; I feel pretty much uninspired lately.
I don't know if it's the attacks, the medication, or the fatigue that comes with them... but I don't feel like creating that much. I usually enjoy to do digital art, but I can't lately even bother to get up and look at the screen because it feels like it's burning my eyes. My mind is a like a sieve lately. I'm forgetting everything. And that doesn't make it that fun to learn new things and to experiment -- I already have a hard time remembering what I ate yesterday. The art events I usually go to are pretty much out of the question. I'm too tired to travel. It's even worse than I thought, considering the last convention took me out for 3 days, and I didn't quite expect that. So for those that wonder if I'll be at any upcoming conventions; no, I won't.
It's hard to see people surpass you on every front... and I sure see all kinds of people surpassing me lately. People that get really good at art, get features, DD's, fame --you name it. And while I realize they got there fair and square with hard work and determination, it's pretty much frustrating for me. Because I feel like I've been working my ass off lately, but I'm barely able to keep myself standing as bad luck pretty much slaps me in the face all the time.
People tell me to keep positive.
Well, believe me. Even the most optimistic person is gonna have a hard time staying positive when it's life is just reduced to sequences of crippling headaches, and senseless waiting of the bureaucracy of the medical world. Or at least; I have. I'm done with it.
I realize it's kinda ironic that the writer of the usually motivating journals can't motivate herself. But so be it.
And if you want to draw a wise lesson from this anyway; don't try this at home.
I'm still alive
It's been a while since I last posted and people have sending me worried messages, so I wanted to let you all know I'm doing fine. I don't have corona and I'm not dead. My computer broke down a while ago, and the consistent problems of working with a broken system and not having the money to properly fix or replace it eventually made me very demotivated to draw. As an artist I've always suffered from self-doubt and massive imposter syndrome. No matter how good I get, I'm always critical at my work. The last batch of commissions I did (even though for a good cause) just emphasized that feeling of not being creatively ready to venture into professional spheres. I honestly respect the people who do, but it's not for me. The pressure of having to churn out quality work on a time limit (next to my regular work) burned me out, and I needed some time off the internet to recuperate. Thank you all for your supportive messages. I'm trying to pick up my art again. Slowly, and working on my
Emergency commissions for vet bills [ON HOLD]
Update April 23, 2020
I'm literally blown away by all the response I got.
I have now filled up a first batch of commissions.
As much as will help me cover the initial bill. And as much as will be possible to deliver, considering I have to do those drawings in my free time (I have a regular job to attend as well).
I expect to deliver commissions somewhere over the upcoming 6 weeks.
Depending on the situation with the cat I might open up more commissions in the future.
Original post
Hey guys.
My beloved cat, Pepper, fell sick. I had to go take her to the vet. It's at this moment yet uncertain what's wrong with her, but she needed to get b
Git gud
It's so tiring to hear people dismiss the ability to create art as sheer talent, and tell me they could never do the same as I do. What do you expect me to answer? That some divine being came down and blessed me with the ability to do art? And you haven't got that divine skill, so you never could do it, and we should all pity you for it?
The truth is that there isn't much of a difference, except that I spend a lot of time creating art. I learned how to draw hands, because I've drawn hundreds of them over the last couple of years. I learned writing because I write nearly every day, and read books when I don't. I spend a lot of time creating a
2019 art goals
Leaving this year as a reminder to myself.
:bulletblack: Drawing more detailed environments
:bulletgreen: Drawing more figures in perspective (Ref: http://www.posemaniacs.com/ ?)
:bulletgreen: Drawing more hands & feet
:bulletgreen: Finish writing my 5175 short story
:bulletblack: Joining#100headschallenge (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A_kQsxeeTE)
:bulletred: Joining AdorkaStock (https://www.deviantart.com/adorkastock)'s DEJ 2019 (if organized this year)
If you're aware of any fun art challenges I might be interested in (geared towards improvement), please let me know.
© 2014 - 2024 DamaiMikaz
Comments825
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
I realize you posted this a while ago, but I do have a suggestion if you get desperate. I realize your issues are totally different from my many health issues I've had in the past (eczema to the point I had bloodly feet unless I took meds, dairy intolerance that kept me up 24 hours straight with horrible cramps, animal allergies and lots of other issues), but I found a doctor in NY that you call over Skype and she's cured me of all my issues to-date. I've only been using her methods for a year now and I'm almost completely healed.
I feel very sorry for you and your condition, so I'm only posting this because it's worked for me. Here's her website: joettecalabrese.com/ and you can read her story here: joettecalabrese.com/personal/ if you want to get a basic idea of what all she can treat. I realize you're not in the US, but because you can be anywhere in the world to get her consults since it's over Skype. The first one is free so you can ask her all the questions you need to before starting the treatment and so you're able to find out if she's able to treat you.
I wish you the best!
I feel very sorry for you and your condition, so I'm only posting this because it's worked for me. Here's her website: joettecalabrese.com/ and you can read her story here: joettecalabrese.com/personal/ if you want to get a basic idea of what all she can treat. I realize you're not in the US, but because you can be anywhere in the world to get her consults since it's over Skype. The first one is free so you can ask her all the questions you need to before starting the treatment and so you're able to find out if she's able to treat you.
I wish you the best!